US lifespan shorter: what to do?

Yes, in spite of the rabid antismoking campaigns and the proud touting of California’s and Utah’s lowest smoking rates in the world, the lifespan of Americans is far shorter than that of countries where smoking is abundant and their citizens are not persecuted (at least not as much!) by “public health” and by the morons who believe its “authority”. We are talking about countries with very high smoking rates, such as Japan and Greece. And now that the US overall has one of the lowest smoking rates in the world, the shorter American lifespan is, of course, the fault of obesity, although the calls to “step up efforts to reduce tobacco use” go on. Other scapegoats are in the making to account for death once obedient Americans have been turned into a country of bulimic nonsmokers.

What to do? Sadly, since to err is human but to persevere is diabolical, the pact with Satan must be tightened up! MORE health crises! MORE health campaigns! MORE hammering propaganda! MORE taxes! Take the words of the “experts”: if their methods do not work it does NOT mean that they are dead wrong, but simply that they have not implemented control severely enough so we need more movie censorship, street surveillance, control of industries and especially more bureaucracy and punishment.

So, mass-fire the lousy fatsos! Twenty years of gas chamber for stinking smokers! Just kill the bastard drinkers! More hate and hysteria! And while bringing the alcohol industry to its knees, we mustn’t forget to brainwash totally children against the acute dangers of everything. In particular, kids must be taught that a good life is a long life no matter how boring, and that a long life is achieved ONLY by embracing total control, onerous regulation and monastic abstention. Death, after all, would be preventable if only the rulers could exercise a total control of lifestyles.

If this sounds depressing and oppressive, there’s an answer for that: stuff the face of all Americans with lots of antidepressants. Since it’s no longer fashionable to drink to forget, here comes Big Pharma “for the drugs you need”!