James Leavey's Corner
Bogart Lights Up
FORCES - Link to James Leavey's Corner Main Page  by James Leavey, editor, The FOREST Guide to Smoking in London and The FOREST Guide to Smoking in Scotland
FX:restaurant, chatter, knives and forks clattering 'As Time Goes By' tinkling on a piano GAY SUPERCILIOUS WAITER:Excuse me, sir. Would you mind putting out that cigarette. HUMPHREY BOGART:Yeah. I would. WAITER:I'm sorry sir, but you are sitting in a non-smoking area. BOGART:Not any more, I'm not. What do you think, Sam? SAM, THE BLACK PIANO PLAYER(WHO STOPS PLAYING): Oh I don't want any trouble, Mr Bogart. It seems to me them non-smokers is calling the tune... BOGART:Well you play it, Sam. And I'll smoke it. Now run along little man. WAITER(affronted): Sir! BOGART:And you can go and whistle for the tip. You know how to whistle don't you? WAITER:No, sir. BOGART:Just put your lips together... Now blow. GAY WAITER:I know how to blow, sir. I just don't know how to whistle... PETER LORRE:Ooh, Bogie, I don't know if this is a good idea, upsetting the management... BOGART:Well if I've managed to upset them, it is. What do you think, cuddles? SIDNEY GREENSTREET:You're an absolute bounder, sir, I must confess. Ha! Ha! A man after my own heart. BOGART:I didn't think you had one. GREENSTREET:But the fact remains, this is my restaurant, and I'd rather you didn't smoke in it. BOGIE:And I'd rather I didn't eat in it, but the cigarette improves the taste.... FX:Piano plays: 'Smoke gets in your eyes' FADEOUT
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